After almost 4 years, I finally have the courage to write this. It's been on my heart forever and even more so since my second son was born almost a year ago.
When I was pregnant with T, I, like many women pregnant with a boy, was asked "Are you going to circumsize?". I actually think my own Dr was against it because she never presented a single pro/con, it was just a routine question that I'm sure she asked every mom. My response when she asked me was "No". It was simple. I didn't want to see my baby go through something like that, it cost 200$, and I just didn't feel the need to. My mom, who was (and I hope not now) pro-circ, could not believe that I would not consider it. I gave her my reasons, and for her, they were not good enough. I had researched every other decision I had made, but not this one, and my 2 reasons just didn't cut it for her. She came up with every horror story about boys having it done at 4 years old, or elderly men having it done, I was never quite convinced but when she said that her and my dad would pay for it and my dad would go in the room with him for the procedure, I basically agreed to get her off my back.
The day of the procedure was nothing special. I nursed and wore my 10 day old like normal and we went to the office where it was done. My dad stayed with T and when it was over he brought me out a baby with hardly any tears on his face but my dad looked shook up. The nurse told me how to care for it then I nursed T and we went home. After dinner I went to take off his diaper to get ready for bed and his diaper was FULL of blood. I was aware that some bleeding was normal but for his diaper to have so much blood in it that it was no longer absorbing, that didn't seem normal. I took off the blood soaked guaze and found a spot where the blood was spurting out of. I lost my mind. I called my mom to take us to the hospital because I couldn't drive yet due to my post partum swelling/stitches. We arrived at the hospital and T didn't seem to be in any pain. He wasn't crying or even slightly fussy. I just kept nursing and holding him. We were shown to a room almost immediatly because it was quite serious. A nurse checked his vitals and a Dr came in to assess. We were then told that an artery had been knicked during the circumcision. I must have had guilt written all over my face because the nurse was quite kind to me. They took blood from T to run some tests because they wanted to make sure he didn't have a blood clotting disorder as well as some other things. I can't remember all that happened because it was such a blur. In between tests I held him and nursed him. It was all I could do. I remember my mom saying "I've never heard of such a thing happening" in complete disbelief. After all, she had put the pressure on for me to do this. When everything had come back normal, the Dr said that he had to cauterize the wound. In layman's terms, burn it shut. He was put on his back on a bad while I held his arms and had my face close to his while the further mutilated his penis. He screamed for a second and then it was over. I held him and nursed him. It was all I could do.
I don't remember much about the days or weeks after. He was lucky to have no further complications. I do remember going to see my Dr and she said she had never seen anything like that and there was empathy in her eyes because she knew I initially didn't want to do it. I blamed my mom for a long time. I blamed the 65 year old Dr with shakey hands who shouldn't be practising still. I now blame myself.
I am lucky that T developed into a happy, wonderful child who is now a loving big brother. He's never had any signs of PSTD however I wouldn't be surprised if they ever did develop. Our 11 month old is not circumsized. I don't think anyone, including my Dr even asked me if I was considering it. I remember reading a part in Jenny McCarthy's book about circumcision, she said that she wanted her son to have a "pretty penis". It disgusted me because my now almost 4 year old has a scar and excess skin on one side. I will have to explain to him one day what happened and I'm fearing the worst. "Why would you do that to me mum". I dread it.
So post this everywhere. Send this link to every mum who is pregnant with a boy or might have to make this decision.
Yes, I regret doing it, but I'm hoping that some of my own healing can come from sharing this and maybe change even one person's mind.
Honestly yours,
Me
OMG. I just can't even imagine what you went through, I am crying through your post. Let the guilt go mama, we only know what we do at the time. We can do no better or no worse. Thank you for sharing this. <3
ReplyDeleteThat is just heartwrenching, mama. I am sorry your boy & you have suffered from this. Sharing your story will help others rethink their decision to circ- you are brave to do it.
ReplyDeleteTHanks for sharing this. I tell everyone your story, and hearing it from you just further engrained in my brain that circing is wrong.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this. I am so sorry this happened to your son (and to you.) I have a happily intact 3.5 year old. My mom actually agreed that circ was wrong, as she kept my brother intact in the USA in 1982 when every one was cutting their son's.
ReplyDeleteI will share your story! Thanks again! <3
Stephanie, your comment could be mine, except I have a 9 year old and a 3.5 year old, both intact. My mother kept my brother, born in 1982, intact as well -- at the urging of my father!
ReplyDeleteI had the same pressure from my mom, she was pro-circ and had done it to my brothers. I had pressure from my ex-husband who was uncircumsized but wanted it done to my son. I finally agreed but refused to be a part of it, sending my mom instead, I stayed home. My mom came back with a different attitude. She would never again put any child through it. She is now anti-circ. She never did have to witness it happening to my brothers.
ReplyDeleteMy son has also had problems with his circ.
I gave birth in 1979 to a boy I was surrendering for adoption. At the time, I thought that circumcising him would be something I could do for him. Thank God the people at the hospital talked me out of it.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that both you and your son had to go through that. I wish doctors would be more forthcoming with telling parents about the possible complications that can happen.
ReplyDeleteI also commend you for realizing the harm of circumcision. I just read another blog this week where the mother had her twins circumcised. They also had complications that had to be corrected, but she is still pro-circ. That does not make sense to me.
I was recircumcised twice and I get painful erections because too much skin was removed.
ReplyDeleteI hate to be a voice of negativity here, but I see so many blog posts and other internet messages where parents who are initially against circumcision have been pressured into mutilating their sons and I still can't understand what is so difficult about saying "No, I will not do it". I honestly cannot.
ReplyDeleteIt is astounding that we live in the age of the (((INTERNET))) yet this travesty is _still_ happening! It just makes me want to wash my hands of America (and to a smaller degree, Canadians) and just move to the rest of the 80% of the world where Male Genital Mutilation (MGM) doesn't happen.
ReplyDelete18 dispelling myths about circumcision.
http://pharmtips.com/2008/11/27/dispelling-myths-about-circumcision/
The AMAZING functions of the foreskin:
http://www.drmomma.org/2009/09/functions-of-foreskin-purposes-of.html
To the mom of this blog, PLEASE remember to put your future-sons FIRST and instantly reject MGM.